


Your Body Is My Temple

by titC



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Big family, Dr Linda has a lot of work ahead of her, F/M, Feels, Gen, Hospital, How Eurydice Got Emo Orpheus Back, Mind Meld, Say no to drugs, Summer Exchange, Trixie uses Google, Tumblr: TheDeckerstarNetwork, also Star Wars, and Abba, awkward Amenadiel, background Linda/Maze, drama queen Lucifer, egads 40th Lucifer fic, no harp needed, smart Chloe, spot the Star Trek reference, trip to hell, weird grammar for plot reasons, what happened, yes Lucifer even you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-23 08:04:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11985660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/titC/pseuds/titC
Summary: Written for theDeckerstar Network Summer Exchange, forSamaelTheLightBringer. Their prompt wasAngsty Deckerstar/smut. I added plot. Oops?I hope you enjoy it.





	Your Body Is My Temple

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to moonatoms and ElenaCee for the medicine- and biology-related brainstorming.

Chloe was awake before her phone alarm started shrieking and so she turned it off, enjoying the morning sun on her face and Lucifer’s warm skin against hers. He’d yet again ended with one arm over her stomach, a leg between hers and his nose right between her neck and the pillow. She could never figure out how he didn’t suffocate to death sleeping like that, but it was apparently one of his supernatural powers. She kept running the fingers of one hand over his shoulder-blades, slow and feather-like, where the skin was now smooth and soft.

She knew it calmed him and right now, when she could feel his muscles were a bit tight and occasionally quivering, she thought he needed it. She knew even devils and angels had nightmares. He’d never really talked about them with her, but sometimes – just sometimes – he’d move restlessly at night, whispering her name or mumbling words she didn’t understand. Once, he woke up with a cut-off scream, the wings he usually pretended weren’t there suddenly out and flapping violently behind him (the bedside lamp hadn’t survived). If she pushed, he insisted it must be her proximity, that it had never happened before, and after that clamming up or changing the subject; but she knew better. She’d talked to Maze. Knowing it had never happened with one of his one-night stands wasn’t much comfort but at least she could help, a little.

And so, because it soothed him, she tried to touch him whenever she could – sometimes, just skimming a fingertip against his wrist was enough and he would go from devil unleashing divine fury to wide-eyed stuttering partner, deferring to her. It was like he was still surprised by his own reactions to her, and here in the quiet before their day started, she could admit it: she would never get over that. Never get over the power she had over him.

“Hey,” she whispered. “We should get up.”

“Mmm.”

“Lucifer.”

“Don’wanna.”

“I don’t either.” But there was Trixie to feed and take to school, paperwork to deal with for her, and Lux things to do for him. She’d long ago stopped trying to get him to fill in police forms, but according to Maze he was actually good – if unorthodox – at the administrative stuff, when he put his mind to it (which he’d had to do since he’d found himself minus one demon to do his bidding).

“M’good here.” He curled a little closer, a little tighter around her.

“Yeah, so am I.” She sighed. “Hey, how come you always were ready and chipper in the mornings, before?”

“B’fore wut.”

“Well, you know. Before. Back when you broke into my home to cook breakfast and when you came to cases early every morning after partying all night. Now it’s like you get tired like the rest of us.”

His palm slid up her side to cup her breast, soft and gentle. “S’your fault. You’re here and that’s where I want to be too.” He’d moved his head to her shoulder, with a little detour on the way to drop a kiss on her collarbone.

“Uh huh. Still, we have to get up before Trixie barges in to demand food. Maze isn’t here to distract her today.”

“Just five more minutes. I’m sure your offspring can wait five minutes.”

“Lucifer…”

“Or we could shower together?”

She checked her phone and groaned. “We really need to get up, we’re almost late. No shared shower or we won’t have time for breakfast.” He managed to slide against all of her as he finally sat up and stretched. She watched the muscles play under the skin of his back. “You know, I think we should take a break. We need it.”

“A break?” His arms fell to rest along his body, but he didn’t turn back to her.

“Yeah, you know. It would do us good. Probably Trixie, too.”

“I… all right.” He didn’t sound particularly happy, but then again they’d just woken up and there would be no making out session before they went their respective ways, so she supposed he was a bit grumpy about it. She ran her fingertip along his tense spine before leaving the bed, and kept the memory of his shiver with her for the rest of the day.

 

She went through her tasks with a little bounce in her step. Ella commented on it during their lunch break, and Dan even teased her about it when they chatted after he brought in his perp and confirmed he could make it for Taco Tuesday in the evening. Trixie would be happy, even if Maze would be out.

However, as the hours went by and Lucifer never called or texted, she grew a bit antsy. Maybe he didn’t want to spend a few days with them? Or maybe he didn’t want to leave LA? It was nothing; they just had to talk about it and find something that worked for both of them. They were getting better at talking about things now instead of hiding what hurt and letting it fester, from The Candy Episode to her casual mentions of his father. This should be a walk in the park: mountain resort of beach vacation? Easy.

They could leave Trixie with Dan, and she was sure they could agree on something, somewhere. She decided to let him be for the moment; he was probably just meeting suppliers or doing an inventory or working with his accountant, or whatever it was that needed doing at Lux.

“Hey Dan, can you do the shopping for tonight? I’ll pick Trixie up and we’ll wait for you, all right?”

He gave her a thumbs-up and she focused on the last batch of forms she had to go through for today.

 

“Beer?” she asked when they were all around the table, ready to tackle the tacos. He nodded, and she handed him a bottle from the fridge. Maze might not be good at the domestic chores part of rooming with someone else, but she _was_ good at keeping their booze stock high.

“Can I have one too, mommy?”

Chloe traded a little smile with Dan. “It’s for grownups, monkey.”

“But it has bubbles!”

“Well, you can have something else with bubbles.”

She got another beer for herself and soda for Trixie, and listened to the retelling of their daughter’s Saturday outing at Disneyland with Lucifer and his brother. She’d already got the story on Monday when she picked her up from school, but it seemed she didn’t focus on the same parts for her dad; there were more “and Lucifer bought me this” and “Amenadiel carried me on his shoulders,” for instance.

“I think there’s a message for us in there,” she said.

Dan grinned and rolled his eyes. “You had a good time then, monkey?”

“Yes! Mommy did too, Lucifer showed me a picture Maze sent to his phone.” Chloe’s face warmed. She hoped it hadn’t been during the karaoke – or, no, worse, when a dude hit on Ella and she started waving her LAPD badge at him… Thankfully Trix didn’t seem scarred for life. “And did you catch the bad guy, daddy?”

“We did. And you know what? Amenadiel sent me a picture too.”

“He did?”

“Yep, of you sleeping in the car when he drove you to your Nana’s.”

He showed it to them, and Chloe got her tablet out to share those Lucifer had sent – Amenadiel drenched with water, Trixie dressed as Mulan, the two of them with chocolate all over their faces… there were many of them so that it took quite some time, and they found they still had room for ice-cream after the tacos after all.

“Mommy?”

“Yes?”

“Was Lucifer okay after Disneyland?”

What… Dan looked as surprised as she felt. “Er, yes, he was. Why do you ask?”

“I think he has PSTD.”

“P – ” Dan choked a little. “PTSD, you mean?”

“Was he a soldier in a war?”

“Why do you ask?”

Trix let her spoon go, and it clinked against the bowl. “We went to see the big fireworks after dinner.” She didn’t say anything for a while.

“Did you like them?”

“I did. But Lucifer didn’t.”

“Well, it doesn’t mean, er, that he’s got PTSD.” Dan frowned. “How do you even know what that is?”

“It’s just… I was sitting between him and Amenadiel, and I saw he was scared.”

“Scared?”

“At first he was okay, then he was all strange. I thought he was afraid and I took his hand but he almost crushed my fingers and then he left like he was in a hurry, he even tripped on something. He never trips.”

“What happened afterwards?”

“We found him after the fireworks, he was waiting for us on a bench. He was really pale and he was breathing weird and Amenadiel said he shouldn’t drive.”

“And he _let_ his brother drive?”

“Yes.” Dan’s eyebrows shot up.

“And they didn’t mock each other?” Chloe asked.

“No. It was really strange. So the next day I googled it.” Hm. She hadn’t even asked Maze since then, either. “It scared me because I read that sometimes people with PST… PDT… with that kil – ”

“Ah, yes, sometimes; but Lucifer is fine, yes? He’s got a doctor and everything. He’ll be fine. He was perfectly fine on Sunday, too, and on Monday at work. Don’t worry about him.”

Trixie looked doubtful, but let it go and finished her ice-cream quietly.

“Were you that drunk you didn’t see him when you got back?”

“Dan!” She hissed. “I just… fell asleep as soon as I got upstairs, that is all.”

“Uh huh.” Just then they heard a big boom outside, and Trixie looked up with wide eyes. “It’s nothing, monkey. Just a jet breaking the sound barrier.”

“They’re not supposed to do that so close to where people live.”

“It happens, Chloe.”

“Yeah.” Yeah, it did. And suddenly she understood why Lucifer had reacted so badly to the fireworks, the whistling and booming noises and the bright lights streaming through the dark. Her daughter was observant, and she was right. He did have PTSD, albeit not from a war. “All right Trixie, it’s late now; you should get ready for bed.”

They watched their little girl go through her evening routine before hugging them goodnight and going to her bedroom.

“Are you really sure you know what you’re doing with him?”

“He wouldn’t hurt Trixie.”

“No, he wouldn’t. He’d give you both the moon if he could, I can see that.” Well, maybe Lucifer really could give them the moon, too. Or make them a little star. “But he’s a mess, too. He’s trying, I know he is, but he’s not exactly stable. I mean, I wasn’t the dad or husband I should have been, I know that too. It’s just…”

“You worry.”

“I do. I’m sorry.”

She linked her fingers with his. “Don’t be. I’m glad we can still be here for each other and for Trixie.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“At least I’m not pining after an amnesiac cut-throat lawyer.”

“Chloe!”

She was still snickering when she closed the door after him.

 

Still no sign of Lucifer since Tuesday morning. It had been two days, and it wasn’t like him to not contact her at all. She started to wonder if everything was all right with him. Maybe the fireworks had rattled him more than he’d let on? She looked at her phone. It was still early enough that Linda probably had not started seeing her patients yet.

She was right.

“Hey.”

“Hey, Chloe. Everything all right?”

“I’m not sure. Look, I’m not asking you to break doctor-patient confidentiality or anything like that, but… did you see Lucifer yesterday or Tuesday?”

“Well, no. He called on Tuesday but I couldn’t see him then, and yesterday he canceled at the last minute. It’s not like him, but he did leave a message to tell me. I thought he was with you on a case. Is something wrong?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. I think I should go to Lux before work, just to check.”

“You’re starting to worry me. Do you want Maze to meet you there?”

“Look, I’m sure it’s… No, you’re right. I’ll call her. Thanks, Linda.”

“No problem. You know where to find me.”

“Yeah.”

It was probably nothing, she was probably making it into something it was not. As she drove from the school to Lux the lump in her throat kept getting bigger and bigger. Maze had better be there already.

 

The club itself was of course empty, and even the cleaners had already come and gone. She rode the elevator up and braced herself when the doors opened on the penthouse. _Please be ok, please be ok, please let it be just me being ridiculous_.

There were mostly empty bottles on the piano, a couple ashtrays were overflowing. All right, so far nothing she hadn’t seen him do before whenever he was trying to deal with things – whatever it was this time. Maybe he was still unsettled after the fireworks. Hadn’t he been a bit subdued on Monday, now she thought about it? Or was she seeing too much in every little thing? She went to the bedroom but it was empty, although the sheets were rumpled as if he’d slept – or tried to sleep – in them. She peeked into the bathroom and it was a bit of a mess, a still damp towel thrown on the floor and a faucet dripping. She shut it off completely, and after checking the kitchen (broken glass on the floor, otherwise it was pristine) she went to the balcony.

And panicked.

 

Drugs had never had much of an effect on him, but he still enjoyed them: the thrill of doing something he was sure his father didn’t approve of, the surprise in human eyes when they saw the amount he could ingest and still be be alive, let alone unaffected. Well, he wasn’t entirely unaffected when he went on a days-long binge like he had after, after Uriel. _Ugh, no, don’t think about that_. He reached out to grab the bottle on the piano, but it was empty. Damn. He didn’t really feel like getting up from the bench, but when needs must…

The bar seemed further away than he’d estimated. He stumbled and caught himself on the bar top. That was strange. He shouldn’t… Ah, there was some gin left. That should do it. He didn’t bother with a glass and took it back with him to the piano. No, not the piano; he didn’t want to sit there ever again, he didn’t want to remember – he didn’t want to be reminded – he didn’t want. Bottle dangling from his fingers, he shuffled to the balcony like the old man he’d never be. Hah.

Old man. _His_ old man had been a horrible father, a horrible husband; but he, Lucifer Morningstar, would never be that bad. Oh, no. He half-fell on an armchair, downed the pills waiting for him on the low table. He’d forgotten he had some left. Good.

He’d really tripped on those drugs in the hospital there. It had been fun, then really very very not fun. She’d been coming to save him and why was he sliding to the floor now? The world was upside down and hot and cold and the floor, the floor was hard and he was liquid, maybe he’d turned into all he’d drank? Oooh. Maze would be angry. Maybe. No, no; no one would be. He was melting and he was a cool lake of fire and hey, heyyy; why was there no air, maybe he was in space and no one would hear him scream but there was no air no scream no –

 

She needed to get a grip, she needed to do something, and she didn’t know where to start.

Thankfully, that’s when Maze arrived. She must have seen her through the glass doors, because she hurried straight to them.

“What’s he done this time?”

He was sprawled on the floor, surrounded by yet more empty bottles and full ashtrays, but also empty pill bottles. After checking his pulse and putting him on his side, she checked some labels. Benzos.

“I don’t know, it’s like, I don’t know. I thought he was immune to these things? That they didn’t affect him?”

“Unless he takes amounts that would kill twenty humans, and only as long as you’re away.”

“I’ve just arrived, how can I – oh. _Oh_.” She looked up at Maze, standing over them. “He’s still got a pulse, but his breathing is… we’ve got to take him to a hospital.”

“No.”

What?”

“No. You probably don’t have time to get far enough away for him to be fine, but we can’t take him to a hospital either. What do you think will happen if they,” she flapped her hands on each side of her shoulders, “pop out? Or if the red eyes come out?”

“But…”

“I’ll call Ella. She must know some shady but discreet people who patch up criminals, right?”

“Uh…”

“At least through her brother.”

Maze whipped her phone out and started talking in short, terse sentences. She was upset, Chloe could tell. What an idiot – him, and her, too. She should have sent Maze on her own, she knew she had that effect on him, she knew he could be about to do something stupid… she hadn’t thought.

“Hey. Hey, Lucifer. Can you hear me?” He kept breathing, but very slowly and shallowly. She wasn’t quite sure he was unconscious, his eyes were moving under the lids. But maybe it was normal? What did she know? She slipped her fingers between his, and – oh. They twitched. “Lucifer?”

“Hi-iii,” he said. His voice was more air than anything, a soft, thready sound that she didn’t even think reached Maze’s ears.

“What did you think you were doing?”

“Deck’iv,” he slurred.

“What? Oh. Yes, it’s me. You know you call me Chloe these days, yes?”

“Mmm. Break,” he said in an exhale.

“Break? What did you break?” She rubbed his hands with hers. His fingers were very cold.

Maze got to her knees next to her. “Ella’s sending someone, they’ll be here in a few minutes. What’s he rambling about?”

“I don’t know. Why would he do that? We were supposed to talk about going on a vacation – oh. Oh, no.”

“What? What is it?”

Chloe opened her mouth to answer, but he beat her to it. “S’niiiice,” he said. His lips were turning blue, and his hands were like little icebergs. She kept rubbing them between hers, as Maze paced and kept checking her phone. Not long now, not long now. He had to hold out. He had to.

“Did you two have a fight?”

“No. Well, _I_ didn’t. I think he misunderstood something I said.” It was a good thing he’d hardly ever opened his eyes since she got there because the pinpoint pupils terrified her. It wasn’t him, this cold body and those weak movements. She was used to falling asleep to his warm, regular breaths on her skin; to the rhythm of his chest expanding again and again against her. There was nothing warm and comforting about him now – everything was slower, colder… she didn’t want to think about what could happen.

“M’on a…” the corners of his mouth twitched up. “Hiiigh… way…”

“No.”

“To heeell…” There was a little huff, and then his chest stopped moving.

“I swear I’ll go to hell and strangle you myself if – ”

The elevator door opened then, and Ella rushed in with a few paramedics. “Here we are! They’re really good, I promise; he’ll be fine – oh.” She knelt next to Chloe. And tugged her a little further away from Lucifer. “Come on, let them do their magic. They’re not quite legal, but they’re all professionals. He’ll be fine, really, I swear. I don’t know why you didn’t want regular docs, but anything for friends, yeah?”

“I hope you’ll never know why we can’t take him to a human hospital,” Maze said. She was glaring at everyone and everything, her arms crossed and a scowl on her face that seemed to be there to stay.

One of the medics yelled and fell back on his butt, but after a nod to his colleagues went back to work. “Add abnormal eyes to the list,” he only said.

“Well, we were told it would be an unusual case.”

“What are they doing?” Chloe whispered to Ella.

“Checking what’s wrong, stabilizing him, helping him breathe. Estimating what he’s ingested, and frankly I don’t know how he’s not – how he’s still with us.” She looked impressed, almost admiring, as her eyes took in on every discarded bottle around them. “But if he made it until now, I’m sure he’ll pull through.”

Chloe didn’t really know what they were doing; like a swarm of busy healing bees around him – words, syringes, tubes… she didn’t understand it, she couldn’t even really see him anymore. A blueish finger was soon capped with a sensor, half-open lips covered with a mask, lids pulled up and a bright light shone into his eyes, but this time no one screamed. He was unresponsive to everything by now.

She watched them hurry away with Lucifer.

“I know where they’re going, I’ll drive you to their clinic.”

She followed, Maze on the phone behind them.

 

While Ella had gone in the white-walled room with the doctor and nurses, Chloe turned to Maze. “Are you sure I shouldn’t leave? Now he’s here…” There was no answer. “Maze? Maze, what is it?”

“You should stay,” she finally said.

“Okay. All right. All right, I’m staying.” Maze nodded sharply, then went to lean against the wall to stare out of the barred window. Her fingers were drumming against her crossed arms. “What is it you’re not telling me?”

Maze’s face, reflected in the glass, grew bleaker. “I can’t feel him.”

“What do you mean?”

“I can’t feel him. He’s not here.”

“But… Ella would have said something, she’d have come out. He’s still alive, he has to be.”

“His body, yes. But his… his soul, it isn’t here anymore.”

It was like the emptiness Chloe could see in Maze’s eyes had opened under her own feet and swallowed her.

 

His brother, not speaking. His brother, not moving. His brother, with a machine breathing for him. His brother, without the spark of life that made this body _his brother_.

He remembered Uriel. He remembered the corpse, and he remembered knowing that his very soul had been destroyed, too. It had felt tragic, final, horrible. Even worse because Lucifer had killed him, as if the sons of god could act like the first sons of man; even worse because he’d almost destroyed himself over it, afterwards. But it had not been over jealousy for god’s love, no. I had been over love, pure and simple love. For Maze who had been in immediate danger, for their mother whom Uriel had threatened, and mostly for Chloe.

Amenadiel wasn’t really certain she knew what had happened because of Lucifer’s love for her; but he suspected his brother wanted to spare her the guilt she’d probably feel. Knowing her, though, Amenadiel was pretty certain she’d be angrier over him hiding things from her than over the facts themselves.

But would she ever know? Who would tell her, now? The not-quite-corpse was lying there, all the more terrifying for being an empty vessel with his brother’s face, and he was afraid he – it? – would only slowly fade into death now his soul had left.

Chloe’s blank eyes focused on him. “He went back to hell, didn’t he.”

“I think so.” She was smart. Lucifer had always admired that about her. He’d always said all kinds of good things about _the Detective_.

“You have to take me to him.” Her eyes never left his sallow face, the tube going out of his mouth. The dark lashes, long and curved and utterly, utterly still.

But Lucifer would find a way to end him even without Azrael’s blade if he put her into that much danger. “No.”

“We have to get him back!”

“How would you go? Do you plan to die?” Linda’s eyes were very big. He remembered how she’d helped Lucifer with the dying and coming back to life part of his plan to get the formula, when Chloe’s own life had been at stake.

“Well, I don’t need to, do I? Aren’t there stories of people going to hell and coming back alive?”

“There are, but few and far between and it’s still very, very dangerous for you. If you died there, you’d stay in hell. No way to escape. And there are too many ways for a human to die there.”

Maze nodded. “I hate to say this but he’s right, Chloe. Every demon would be after you, and what they would do… wouldn’t be pretty. Besides, you humans have so many regrets weighing on your soul… every cell would call you. You could be very easily trapped there. For the rest of your life _and_ afterlife.”

“But you’d help. You’d help, right?”

“Why do you want to go anyway? I’m already going to talk sense into him, but I can’t bring both you and Maze.”

“Are you ready to risk never coming back to your kid?”

“That’s low, Maze.” Chloe glared at her. “That’s a risk I face every single day. I’m a cop.”

“You are,” Linda said. “And a cop works for the greater good. For the benefit of everyone.”

“Are you saying I’m selfish?”

“No, I’m saying your own good, the good of a few people also counts. You can take risks in your own life, for yourself. It’s not any less valid.”

“I thought you were supposed to be the voice of reason.” Chloe seemed to share Maze’s surprise, given the look she sent her way. “The odds are not in Chloe’s favor.”

“You’ve made that very clear. It’s her choice.”

“Yeah, it is.” Chloe’s hand squeezed Lucifer’s one last time, and she walked to the door before turning back to them. “I’m going home to Trixie. I can’t stand… He’s not here anymore. I’ll let you know what I decide tomorrow, all right?” She looked at Amenadiel. “And don’t you dare leave without me before I’ve given you my answer. I’d find a way to follow anyway.”

He looked down at his brother. “I’m sure you would.”

He heard her leave the room, but he kept his eyes on his brother. _Wake up_ , he thought. _Wake up before you force me to betray your trust and put her in danger to help you_. But Lucifer had never done what his elders had wanted him to do, and Amenadiel tried to concentrate on how he could keep her safe. He didn’t doubt what her choice would be.

 

“I’m ready.” She zipped up her sturdy leather jacket and checked the hell-forged knives were snug in their holster – no way was she going the Maze way of carrying deadly objects snug between skin and clothes. She hoped she wouldn’t need them, but better safe than sorry. “Let’s go.”

“You can still back out. No one would think any less of you.”

She cut him off before he tried again the Trixie card. “I won’t change my mind. I know it’s dangerous, I know I could never come back. But I also won’t back down on this, I won’t let him throw everything away, and I won’t let my daughter grow up without one of her very favorite person in the world. Not when I know I can make a difference.”

“She could grow up without you.”

“It’s always been a possibility, and Dan and I… we prepared for this, when we decided to have a kid.” She looked up into the night sky. “I remember when my dad died. I always will. But I’m also very proud of him, and I want him to be proud of me.” Her voice broke on the last word.

“If anything happens to you, I think both Lucifer and Dan will have my hide. And your daughter. She told me once I was your guardian angel, and I don’t want to let her down.”

“Then don’t. Let’s go.”

She was tired of talking, and he finally nodded.

He first seemed to pray for a minute, palms together and eyes closed; then his huge gray wings spread from his back, impressive even in the low light of the evening. Some feathers seemed missing, and she assumed they were still regrowing from when he’d fallen and then started his path back up to sanctity or holiness or whatever it was. He was wearing strange robes too, not the kind of clothes she’d seen him wear before; she assumed it was proper angelic garb.

He bent a little and then seemed undecided on how to carry her. “I…”

“What?”

“I don’t know how to… I’d like to keep at least an arm free.”

She pursed her lips for a second or two. “On your hip, like a child?”

“Er…”

“Here, help me.” If Lucifer could see us, she thought. He’d mock his brother’s lack of style, he’d be secretly jealous, and he _wasn’t there_. She clamped her knees around him and wrapped her arms around his neck – wow, he was strong. While Lucifer was lithe and built more like a runner or maybe a swimmer, Amenadiel… wasn’t. He smelled of metal and old books, nothing like his brother. Focus, she thought. Focus on the goal.

“Um,” he said.

“Don’t be ridiculous, put your arm around my waist or wherever is easiest for you and let’s go.” His awkward attempts at avoiding her bum would have been hilarious in any other circumstance, but finally he seemed to find something that worked.

“All right. So it’s not going to be very long, and close proximity with me and my own will to protect you should keep you from harm, but… keep your eyes closed at all costs and _do not_ let go, whatever happens. It’s not going to be pleasant.”

“I had assumed.”

And at last, at last, they left.

And no, it wasn’t pleasant at all.

 

Lucifer kept walking aimlessly through the long, the endless corridors of hell. Good thing they were endless, because he also had until the end of time and beyond to explore them. As he, in fact, had since before the dawn of time, and he knew them like the back of his hand, and nothing was actually new here, and it was all just a nightmare. A nightmare he’d fled then chosen again, when… when. And so he pretended it was all new, and walked, and walked some more; fingers trying to touch the walls of rough stone on either side of him.

But he couldn’t touch them, because he didn’t really have hands any longer… He lifted their illusion to the face he didn’t exactly have, either. This body was just an image, an echo of the one he’d left; a shadow of a memory that would fade away little by little and only leave his soul behind, one day or one night. It was never really one or the other down there, just a perpetual gloom. He supposed he could possess a human body like his mother had, or maybe create a vessel for himself. He still had power, he still could act on the world around him, as long as the world was here. Was hell.

He hated it. It was boring, it was crushing; it was lifeless – hah – and grey and she wasn’t…  
But he still had things to do after all, when he wasn’t roaming the place. Crushing a demon uprising here, crafting custom-tailored tortures for the newcomers. Witnessing the worst of mankind, again and again. He was wary of entering cells now, terrified of hearing Uriel’s voice again. Or maybe mum’s. Or – no. He just, well. He just was careful.

Something unexpected made him stop. He could… hear, for lack of a better word, music. No, a song – a deep voice singing something he dimly remembered from very, very long ago. Something he’d forgotten before now, something… divine, from back when he hadn’t yet become, well, himself.

He slowed down, then stopped. It, they. The voice, was getting nearer. Whoever it –

His oaf of a brother. Of course. The huge grey wings were a dead giveaway. He started back on the way he’d come from but Amenadiel must have seen him, because when he turned a corner between cells there he was. And he was not alone.

“Hi,” she said.

He didn’t really have a heart, he didn’t have eyes, he didn’t have a throat a mouth or lungs; and yet… He looked away from her blue blue eyes. “Why did you bring her? She’s not… not…” He couldn’t go on.

“She’s alive and well, Luci.”

“How could you put Ch – put her at such risk?” _Don’t look, don’t look. Don’t look at her_.

“I asked your brother. Lucifer, look at me. I’m here.”

“Take her back, take her back before something happens! If one hair, just _one hair_ – ”

“Why can’t I touch you?”

He looked down and saw her hand trying and failing to take his; going through his palm and jerking away and trying again. “You’re really here. You’re _really here_.” Not a hallucination and not his mind playing tricks on him because then he would dream her touch, not her fingers going through his. Her touch… It was forever etched in his memory, and he craved it, still. If his mind were playing tricks on him, that was what would happen, he knew it. The feel of her skin on his. Her warmth and the softness and the rougher patches and her blood flowing underneath. But now, there was nothing. “I don’t have a body here, Detective. What you see is just… a ghost, if you will.”

“ _Detective_ , huh. Can we talk somewhere? This is all a bit, well, oppressive.”

“ _Hell_. That’s the word you’re looking for. Go back to the land of the living where you belong; go back to your life and your daughter.”

She turned back to his brother. “Can you give us some space?”

Amenadiel looked between them. “I’ll keep any demon or soul away from you. Remember, Chloe, you don’t have much time.”

“I know, you’ve said before. Thank you.” Once he was gone, she shook her head and let her eyes run over him. “I really want to talk to you. With you.”

He’d backed up against cold, rough, damp stone. He knew he couldn’t actually feel any of it and yet the memory was enough to make him feel cornered. He wasn’t used to having no body yet. He was still trapped in its memory, still trapped in flesh he’d lost.

“What were you hoping to achieve? When Maze and I found you…”

“I’m sorry. I hadn’t planned…”

“Hadn’t planned on what?” A screech rent the air, but was cut short after a dark grey blur swooped down from the mist above. “Hadn’t planned on an OD?”

He shrugged. “I didn’t think you’d be by. You should leave this place, Detective.” Hopefully his brother would keep her safe and deliver her back into her spawn’s life, unharmed.

“You didn’t – Lucifer. I love you. I wanted us to go on a vacation somewhere, away from jobs and responsibilities and… and you thought I meant something else, and you decided to go on a bender and you didn’t even talk to me, to Linda.”

“I…”

“Why do you trust us so little? Why do have so little faith in yourself?”

He almost laughed. “Trust. _Faith_.”

“Why are yo – well, I can guess why.” She leaned against the wall next to him, careful not to be too close and risk going through his shadow again. “Come back. I don’t want to be without you. Maze is furious. Trixie will be crushed. Please.” She stared into the fog. “She told Dan and I about your outing at Disneyland. She really enjoyed herself. But… she was worried, too.”

“Worried? Why?”

“Well. Let’s just say she googled things and ended up asking us if you had, and I quote, PSTD.”

A chuckle escaped him. “Well, you did give her a hooker’s name. What else would you expect?” He slipped the hands he didn’t have into pockets that weren’t there. He was wearing one of his favourite suits, one that he’d ruined with no regrets while on a case with her. He could still dream it, here in hell. He wouldn’t ruin any suits with her now. Any suits at all. The thought sobered him up quickly. “I am sorry, Det – Chloe. I know I overreacted. I shouldn’t have.”

“You were still rattled, weren’t you? All through Sunday and Monday, I thought you were just tired, or unhappy we hadn’t spent Saturday night together, or, I don’t know. But you were still shaken by the fireworks.”

He wished he had cigarettes here, he wished he could exhale a long plume of smoke and watch it drift up and away. “What is done is done, now. It’s probably for the better.”

“What?”

“I’m not human. I’m not entirely sane, by your standards. I’m not entirely safe, either.”

“None of us is safe for the other.”

Well, that was true, but he’d rather not face _her_ mortality. Him being in hell, at least, was his choice. Well, he hadn’t exactly chosen to end up here, but… now that he’d grown close, too close to some humans, he wasn’t sure he could face their humanity. Their fragility. “But it would be easier. Anyone else would be easier.”

“I don’t want easy. I want you. Come back with us.”

“That’s not possible.”

“I think it is.” She moved to stand in front of him. “Close your eyes.” He blinked at her. “Come on, close your eyes.”

He finally did, and then for a long moment nothing happened. Nothing, until – oh. Oh. He realized how cold he’d been before when suddenly there was warmth. He felt a heart beating, he felt the stone under his fingers, he could smell the cloying rot around him – he’d forgotten that, apparently. He felt long hair brush against her cheeks – wait.

“I can feel you,” she whispered. “I can feel you in me.”

 _I can feel myself inside of you_ , he thought. He didn’t dare try speak, but he risked turning his head. Things were bigger, taller around him. Or – he was smaller.

“Uh. Try not to move too much, because then you move me. That’s – ugh. Sorry.”

 _I’m sorry too_.

“But I can hear your thoughts. Can you hear mine?”

 _I love you_.

“I love you too, Lucifer. Come back. Please.”

He’d never said it before, he realised. How had he not? Wasn’t it one of those things that should be done, and done often? How could he have thought he could give her what she needed? He was the devil, he was unreliable because he ran away from fireworks instead of making sure the spawn was happy and safe, he had unhealthy behaviours and he was selfish and –

“I can still hear your thoughts.”

He tried to empty his mind, but it kept whirring and whirring, out of control. But when had he ever been in control of anything in his life? Least of all of himself. As his father had kept showing him, every time he tried to be his own man it backfired and he fell even further down. Hopefully he could at least avoid dragging good people down with him…

There was a hand on his cheek.

How could there be a hand on his cheek? He had no cheek. And it was his hand, too… but he had no hand. And where was his usual stubble? His cheek was never this soft.

_Can you feel me?_

Her voice was in his head. His lips hadn’t moved, and so she hadn’t spoken out loud. The fingers trailed down his face, down to his mouth. His neck. It was both calming and arousing, his thoughts becoming quiet at last and his senses on high alert.

 _Detective_ … The only thought that was left.

 _I’m here. If you let me, I’m here_.

His hand, her hand, smooth dry palm on her delicate skin, down, down on her body, her chest – was she naked? Oh, his hand had opened her jacket, then her shirt. He didn’t remember that.

 _Maybe that was me, too_. He could almost hear her laugh. Or maybe she’d really laughed.

He explored herself a little, marvelling at how sensitive she was in some spots, making notes in case he ever – well. He felt the ever so slightly different texture of a stretch mark, followed its path. He knew she was a little self-conscious about them, even if they were not very visible. Even if they were so very common among women, including the many ladies he’d (not exactly) slept with. She might not like them, but he… he loved them. It was her, her life, her choices, she was perfect and worthy of everything, all the best things, and her hand was slipping even lower, he loved her, he hurt her, his hand was on her (oh)

 _We hurt each other. That’s unavoidable, sometimes. But then we make it better_.

He wished, how he wished he could believe her. Could believe he could make anything better, for her. He lost his thoughts for a while, overwhelmed by feeling everything from inside her, feeling his hands on herself and her hands on himself, at the same time.

She was panting, his shoulders against the wall, and he blinked her eyes up at the dark mist rolling over them, thick and heavy.

 _Chloe, you should leave_.

_Will you come with me?_

There was a gust of air on their skin, and Amenadiel landed. “It’s time,” he said. Lucifer wanted to laugh at his brother’s put-upon face, and the Detective smiled.

“Sorry if we put on a bit of a show here.”

“I’m not a prude.”

“Of course not.” _Lucifer?_

He took one last second to fully feel all of her around him. Braced himself, thought of how better, simpler, happier her life could be without – _I can’t. I can’t leave. I can’t do it, I can’t leave you. I’m sorry_.

_I’m not. I’m happy._

He let her wrap them around his brother and tried to ignore how awkward it felt to be carried away from hell like this. He thought of Maze, all those earth years ago. How had _she_ felt? He’d have to ask, and maybe make it up to her. If she’d ever let him talk to her again.

They went through and beyond and then he felt himself slip into darkness and silence and nothing.

 

She staggered and almost fell flat on her face when Amenadiel landed and tried to let her stand on her own.

“I’m sorry, I forgot flying can be overwhelming for a human.”

“Ugh. Especially after a trip to hell. And it’s so dark I can’t see my feet.” She tried to breathe through her nose, slow and regular; but she still felt nauseous. It reminded her of being pregnant with Trixie, of her body not being entirely her own, of the constant fear of losing who she was carrying, of trying to keep her stomach settled enough she could go through her day.

“Is he bothering you?”

“Why would he? No. No, I think he’s, I don’t know. Asleep, or unconscious; but he’s still in there. I can feel him. It’s… weird.”

“You can’t keep him in for too long.”

“Yeah, I…” She shuddered, clamping down on the sudden wave of terror that washed over her. She wasn’t quite sure whose terror it was, to be honest; it didn’t entirely feel like her own. “I got that part.”

He stuffed his gray robes into a bag and changed into hi s usual clothes, and they made their way down to Lucifer’s room, avoiding the night shift people. How could they explain their presence in the middle of the night? There were no official visiting hours in this clinic, but each patient had their visits monitored nonetheless. This place might be somewhat outside of legit, official, _lawful_ medicine, but it was still staffed by professionals who knew their job and did it well; that’s how they got protection from the law. Many people with long arms and deep pockets went to places like this. She’d suggested they tried his time-stopping mojo since she was currently also someone who was immune to it, but Amenadiel had vetoed the idea. What if it interfered with her? What if Chloe and Lucifer reacted differently to altered time and it tore them apart, too far from his body? What then?

She’d relented, and they walked through the corridors. Behind every door, there were only extremely rich people, celebrities, and criminals who bought discretion and silence for insane amounts of money. Maze hadn’t batted an eye when Ella had warned them about the price, and she was glad they’d found such a place; what was about to (hopefully) happen could raise too many eyebrows.

Finally they got to his room, where Maze, Linda and Ella were waiting. Wait, Ella?

“Hey guys!” Her eyes were huge behind her glasses. “I thought I’d bring some support, and also keep the nurses from getting security to kick us out.” Amenadiel’s extremely stiff face when she hugged him was quite precious. Chloe wished she could take a picture to show Lucifer, later. When it would all be over. “Because something’s about to go down, right? Something, I don’t know, really really not on the regular?”

“Why would you think that?” Chloe snagged the one free chair and collapsed in it.

“I know I’m not a detective, but I’m not stupid either. You needed discretion and silence, everyone’s skulking around, and none of you looks like they should when doctors tell you of the possibility of brain damage, of not waking up. And I’ve seen some seriously weird shit since I came to LA, so… I’m ready. Bring it on.”

“Ms Lopez, maybe you should reconsider…”

“Can it, Amenadiel. She can decide for herself. And she’s right, we need her to run interference with the staff here. Better than me cutting them a new – ”

“We get the idea, Maze.” Linda tangled her fingers with Maze’s. “It’s okay to be worried. We all are. Chloe,” she added when she’d turned in her direction. “How are you holding up?”

Trying not to throw up. Trying not to look at him, too still, too pale, too surrounded by tubes and machines that did everything for him. Trying not to think it might not work, trying not to think this trip down to hell might have been the last time… but it would work. It had to. “I’m fine. Let’s do this.”

With Maze’s help when she realized her legs were weaker by the minute, she staggered to the bed and sat on the mattress by his hip. She took his hand, hoped for something to happen. Nothing did, of course. It’s not like there was any user’s manual on how to bring a soul back to its angelic body, and wasn’t that a shame? Where was the Putting Satan Back Together For Dummies book? The How to Glue a Divine Soul Back to its Vessel 101 tutorial? Nowhere, that’s where. A wave of dizziness overwhelmed her – the task was too much, she wasn’t up to it, she could feel her very self splitting down the middle, realized she might not come back from this. Realized having escaped hell didn’t mean she, at least, was safe; didn’t mean her little girl still had her mother.

Hands fell on her back and shoulders, guided her to lie down on the bed next to his cold body. So much colder than usual, it froze her down to her bones. “What…”

“Don’t fight it, Chloe. If he really wants to be back, he’ll find his way.” It was Amenadiel’s deep voice, but Maze’s small yet strong hands on her shoulders, her waist, her back. Ella’s excited whispers, Linda’s low answers. She couldn’t make out the words, so she let the sounds lull her into a calmer state.

Why only sounds and voices? Ah, she’d closed her eyes. One of her arm was across his chest, rising and falling along his mechanical, inhumanly (hah) regular breathing. And then, she felt him wake up in her. Another consciousness along hers, flowing down her limbs and warming her and both enveloping her and burrowing inside.

“That is the coolest and creepiest and most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. Glad I brought sunglasses.”

“I don’t think we’ve seen much yet, Ella.” Linda’s voice.

“What, is more coming?” Someone shushed Ella.

 _Hi_.

 _You brought me back_. She could sense Lucifer’s wonder. His awe. Then, his worry. _And it’s kill – it’s hurting you_.

 _Remember, Lucifer. My choice, not your responsibility_.

 _There is nothing about you I will ever forget, Detective. I remember, and will always remember, everything_ _about you_.

She felt something leaving her then; a rush of cold where before there had been a little sun, an emptiness where something much bigger than herself had been. Then she filled again all the empty places, realized how much room he’d taken, how far she’d squeezed herself in her own body for him to fit in there. How uncomfortable, along with terrifying and exhilarating, the experience had been.

How much better she felt, now.

She slid down and stood by the bed to look down at him. Nothing changed at first, and she feared she’d imagined carrying him, or that he’d left her but never reached his body. Then, the regular sounds of the machines around them changed; the lines, the numbers on the many screens changed. Looking around, she saw hope in Amenadiel, she saw a smile on Linda’s face, she saw Maze’s wide eyes. And Ella… was praying, her lips moving soundlessly, her hands joined and a rosary between them. She didn’t seem afraid, no. She was staring at all the medical apparatus in the room while words of praise fell from her mouth, and why had they thought they shouldn’t tell her? Why had they believed her faith would be difficult to reconcile with the truth?

Lucifer was waking up, now. Chloe could see his eyes moving under his eyelids – not the spooky, jerky reflexes of before, more like someone dreaming. He wasn’t human, she kept repeating herself. It hadn’t really been, what, a coma? She didn’t know what the doctors had said because they couldn’t be right anyway, could they? She’d had to plan, then. And now the plan was unfolding.

A doctor and a nurse rushed in the room, taking in the number of people around the bed with a frown before going to the patient. Chloe refused to budge from his side, and for the time being at least they didn’t seem to care.

“The readings are the same here as in the monitoring room.”

“I don’t understand, this is not…”

“No, it’s not.” The doctor turned to them. Dr Melinda Shaw, Chloe remembered. “What is happening?”

“How should we know?” Maze asked. You’re the doctor.”

Lucifer’s hand then shot out and hit the nurse in the stomach, before going to his own face. He was scrabbling, scrabbling at something; he was – oh, he was trying, clumsily, to yank the breathing tube out. The nurse grabbed the flailing hand, then the other, but although still mostly out of it Lucifer was much stronger than the nurse had expected and he clearly struggled to keep him down. “What the hell?” Things that were definitely not snickers made him frown even harder.

“It shouldn’t be possible, he shouldn’t be able to almost fight you off.”

“Ya think?” It was more a grunt than a question, really.

“Right, so. His eyes are open, let me check…” Chloe finally stepped away from the bed as the doctor started to do her thing; pushing buttons and manipulating odds and ends around Lucifer’s tube and shining her penlight in his face and she could hear strange wheezy noises but could only see the back of a lab coat. “He’s breathing on his own,” she finally said.

“I can’t keep him down much longer, I don’t think.”

“Okay, let’s do this. However ill-advised it seems…”

“Not that ill-advised,” Ella said. “It’s either you do it or he’s gonna do it himself.”

The nurse narrowed his eyes at her, then he helped Dr Shaw sit Lucifer up and held him vaguely upright as she talked to him.

“Mr Morningstar. I hope you can hear me. We’re going to extubate you, that means removing the tube in your throat. It’s not the most pleasant thing but since you don’t need it any longer you’ll feel better very soon. I just need you to cough and I’ll pull it out, all right?” His eyes were unfocused, bleary. Chloe doubted he understood much, but he did cough, and the doctor did pull the tube out with a disgusting sound. He took a deep breath on his own, and then started full-on panicking. His movements were clumsy, jerky, as if his body wasn’t his own; his hands were blindly searching for something, erratic and wild as his eyes darted around frantically. He didn’t seem to take anything in around the bed.

Chloe pushed the doctor to the side to go to him and his arms immediately wrapped around her. He calmed instantly, hiding his blotchy face against her neck and clutching her like his life depended on it. Maybe it did, she thought as she carded fingers through his wild hair. Her body was the last one he’d inhabited, after all.

“This is medically extremely strange, kind of disturbing, and yet cute,” the doctor told the nurse.

“Yeah. A bit too strange for my taste,” he answered.

“And yet it will remain a mystery to you, and only you. I’m sure you can find a way to work this out in whatever forms you have to fill.” Ella smiled sweetly at them, rosary still in one hand and no, nope, she absolutely was _not_ toying with a keyring in the shape of an infamous gang’s logo, not at all. Chloe looked away, then away again when her eyes first fell on Maze’s very appreciative smile. And – ah, she’d reappropriated her knives already… Must have been when she’d been half-out of it and they’d helped her lie down on the bed.

She heard the doctor and the nurse hurry out of the room, and made a mental note to ask Lucifer to reward them somehow, later. Meanwhile, Satan was shivering in her arms; and for now he was her priority.

She reluctantly lifted a hand away from him and gestured at Linda, who opened a closet and found a blanket. She shook it out and tucked it around Lucifer, who made a tiny, happy sound and curled a little more around Chloe.

“Better?” she asked.

“Mh. Wha…” He sounded rough, like he’d gargled very sharp stones. Ella handed him a glass with a straw from the tray an auxiliary nurse had left earlier for visitors, but he didn’t even look at it. He seemed unwilling, or maybe unable, to peel himself from Chloe.

“You should drink a little, you know. It would help.”

Amenadiel took the glass from Ella and sat next to Chloe. “Here, brother. Don’t make me make you, you know it never ends well. No, don’t glare at me, just take a sip, come on.”

Chloe tried to hide her grin at this side of their relationship, petulant baby brother and exasperated-but-really-patient big brother. Ella and Linda weren’t even pretending they weren’t smiling ear to ear either, and Maze was rolling her eyes so hard it was almost (but not quite) distracting from the way the corners of her mouth were twitching.

He finally let himself be coaxed into a slightly different position and drank a little, before growing sleepy and lying down on the pillows.

“Should he sleep? Is it good or bad?” Chloe had no idea what was supposed to happen, and even less when his wings appeared and wrapped around him.

“I think he’s good now. Remembers _this_ is his body instead of yours, at least.”

“Um. Are those…?” Damn, she’d forgotten Ella was there for a second. “I mean, not that it’s a big surprise, but the reality of them is… oh, man.”

“Ms Lopez, are you…”

“Hey, do you have wings too?”

Amenadiel looked slightly constipated. “How are you feeling?”

Ella frowned a little. “Dude, don’t speak so loud, he’s asleep. I think. Can’t see much.”

“He is,” Chloe confirmed. She could feel his grip had relaxed around her wrist, feel him breathing softly against her arm. “And Ella, Amenadiel is just worried. A lot of people react badly to, ah. Divine things.”

“Like wings?”

“Among other things, yes.”

“Oh, like those perps Dan told me about, that had turned insane? Cool. I mean, not cool. But cool.”

“Definitely not cool when it happens to you, but at least I got better.”

Maze slid a protective – or was it possessive? – arm around Linda’s shoulders. “I’ll fight for you every time.”

“I know.” She was so unflappable most of the time, Chloe thought; but now Linda’s fair skin betrayed her blush and it was really charming. And Maze looked charmed.

“We should let him rest, then. But…” Amenadiel gestured at the feather cocoon.

“I’ll stay. I’ll sleep here, and I’ll run interference if anyone comes in. Tell them it’s a special blanket or something.”

“No. I’ll keep watch outside.” Everyone stared at Amenadiel for a long, silent moment. “Er, I mean. You can stay, but you need to properly rest too. I’ll guard the room.” He fidgeted a bit.

“All Right. Thank you.”

Maze’s eyes darted left and right as she quickly squeezed Chloe’s shoulder while avoiding her eyes. After she’d left with Linda and Ella in tow, Amenadiel helped her set up the armchair that unfolded into a bed and tuck some white, starchy hospital sheets around the corners.

“I hope you’ll be comfortable enough to sleep.”

“I’m sure I will.”

There was a little buzzing sound and he checked his phone. “Daniel is asking about you, and your daughter is asking about both you and Lucifer.” He showed her the screen.

“Oh, thanks. Aw, she should be in bed at this hour. I’ll text them.” He nodded, then went to the window to lower the blinds. “No, leave them. He likes the sunlight, I think he actually finds it soothing.”

“I’m not surprised.” A little side-shuffle. “Well then.”

She sat on the makeshift bed. “Thanks for taking me to hell.” She couldn’t stifle a giggle, too exhausted to resist it.

“Thanks for bringing my brother back.”

He finally left her in the room, and her eyes got lost in the night outside where the shadows were made even starker by the regular, harsh neon lights of LA’s darkest hours shining through the window.

She wasn’t surprised to find herself on Lucifer’s bed when morning came, half of his body over hers and his nose in her hair. It was horribly uncomfortable, and yet she’d rarely woken up with such a sense of relief. She’d gotten him back. She’d gone to hell and dragged her devil back to earth, and now all those she held dear were safe and happy. She’d fight tooth and nail to keep things that way.

 

A few days later, things seemed back to normal. Lucifer had whined and complained about being fine and hospitals being boring for the entire day doctors took to check he was perfectly healthy contrary to all expectations; but he hadn’t tried to charm or mojo his way out or even plain escape. He’d played the ‘miraculous recovery of a plain ole human being’ card and left as soon as he could, and everything would have been perfect if only Chloe didn’t suspect it was mostly to avoid a conversation that really, really needed to take place.

He got his brother to drive him back to Lux, spent some time with Linda, convinced Maze to spar with him because he claimed he needed some exercise to be fully reacquainted with his body… and that’s when Chloe called bullshit. Lucifer willingly doing any kind of exercise was just too much, and so three days after he’d been released she decided she’d march to Lux after work and have that chat, no excuse.

But when she walked past Ella’s lab and waved her goodbye, she did a double-take. Ella was bent over her microscope, but what she was looking at… well, there was only one thing she knew that could give off that particular glow. Looking around the precinct to make sure no one was close enough to eavesdrop, she knocked on the opened door before entering and closing it.

“Is this what I think it is?”

Ella straightened and bounced a little on her feet. “It is! And wow, it is so awesome. Like, literally awesome, you know? Well, I guess you know, right?”

“Yeah, it is and I do. But…” she gestured around them. “Aren’t you afraid other people might see what you’re doing? I mean, this shouldn’t be, um.”

“Oh, don’t worry. What we science people do is magic to most other people; glowy stuff is nothing weird. And the equipment I have at home is really not as good as what I have here, so…”

Chloe pulled a stool from under the large table and sat down. “Did you find anything interesting?”

“I can’t tell. I mean, I actually cannot tell; it’s just…” She waved her hands around. “I just don’t have words, or the tools, or the knowledge, or the science to explain it. It’s both like a perfectly normal feather and also like very sharp metal, but it’s extremely soft and strong and it doesn’t cut unless I want it to cut; it gives off light but sometimes it’s not visible light and sometimes it is; and… well, it’s fascinating and unexplainable.”

“And you love it.”

“I do!” Ella carefully removed the feather from under the microscope and put it in a long, wooden pencil case. “I wonder if his brother will let me examine one of his.”

“How did you get it anyway? I haven’t managed to see Lucifer since he got out.”

“Really? Well, he did seem to have something on his mind, like he was worried about, I don’t know what. Stuff.” She put the case into her backpack and sat in front of Chloe. “I just thought he was still a bit shaken, you know. I can’t even imagine how you could be back at work so quickly, I mean, going down to hell? Whoa.”

“How did you… did he tell you all of this?”

“Yeah. I mean, Amenadiel was in front of my door yesterday morning when I was about to go to work and he was, er, a bit intense, you know?”

“He can be. It’s a bit creepy sometimes, to be honest. I don’t think he’s quite aware of it, though.”

Ella widened her eyes as she nodded. “He gives off way more alien vibes than Lucifer does, that’s for sure. Anyway, there he was, going on about how very few people knew, about how dangerous for humanity it could be, about how I might feel delayed after-effects, blah blah blah. So I said, fine, who do you want me to squeal to anyway, gotta go to work, and I squeezed past him and I managed to escape; but then I thought, right, should maybe see Lucifer, maybe he thinks I’ll out him or something, you know?”

“Frankly, given how most perps end up crazy or violent or catatonic after he gives them a peek… well, at least it was the wings. They usually don’t break people as badly as his other face does.”

“Yeah, I don’t quite get it. I mean, he looks like he should get serious pain meds, not terrified screams.”

“What – did he show you?”

“I asked him to. He didn’t want to, said at least the wings could comfort my faith but he didn’t want to break me yadda yadda. I threatened to tell you everything about – er.”

“About what?”

“Um.”

“Are there purple feathers involved, and casinos?” Ella’s lips clamped together. “Or a six-foot-deep hole in the ground somewhere?”

“He told you about all that?”

“He told me some, I found out the rest, and he… didn’t deny.”

“But then it shouldn’t have worked as a threat!”

“He’s an idiot and he shouldn’t have shown you, but I think he needs to see people not run away screaming, from time to time.”

“He took a chance on me? Is that what you’re saying?”

“Well, you did your very best and it ain’t no lie.” They grinned at each other. “I’m glad you didn’t lose your mind, Ella.”

“Fear not, all my marbles are in place. Well, in their usual place at least.”

Chloe breathed out slowly. She didn’t want to pry, but she didn’t think she could avoid that question either. “Look I know your faith is really important for you, and…” How could she continue? _Do you still believe in god? After seeing what he did to his son, do you still have faith? Ho_ _w_ _are you not terrified of Satan now you’ve met him?_

“He asked the same thing you want to ask, more or less.”

“He did?”

“Yeah. He said he didn’t want me to lose a big part of myself, to lose what gave me comfort. His words.”

“That was considerate and attentive of him.”

“It was. He can be.” Chloe nodded. “And he gave me this feather because he said it would help, if I ever felt… bad, or sick, or… well, bad.” Ella’s hand went up to her cross pendant and touched it gently. “But you know what I told him? I said, what difference does it make, that I’ve seen the devil? That I work with him, even? I still have faith. I may have proof that he exists, that god exists; but I still believe god has a plan, that god is there for us, and looks out for us. I know Lucifer doesn’t, and yeah, I totally get why he can’t what with…” She waved a hand in front of her face. “But _I_ have faith. I have hope. I’ve never believed in everything the church says, all this crap some priests keep spouting about what evil is and how we should behave… that is not why I go to a church. I go there to feel closer to our creator, to our savior; and now… my faith is stronger, I think.” She smiled. “No parent could let a child go through so much without a good reason, right?”

“Well, I certainly couldn’t.” Chloe didn’t have the heart to admit she wasn’t as optimistic as Ella, that being Satan’s girlfriend hadn’t made her really, actually believe in god – well, not the god you were supposed to believe in at any rate. Not when she couldn’t imagine a single good reason to hurt his children so much, or at the very least to let them come to so much harm. From all that Lucifer and Amenadiel had told her, and all she’d read between the lines… And that was the difference between them, she thought as she looked at Ella. And it was a good thing, that some people kept faith. Kept hope.

“You’re a good mom to Trixie.”

“I’m trying my best, at least.” She stood up. “I was about to drive to Lux, I think I really should be on my way now. Sorry for holding you up in your sciencing.”

“Eh, I was mostly done. Tell him I said hi, all right?”

“Will do. Oh, and if I can get a feather from Amenadiel…”

“Brilliant!”

Ella’s bright smile kept her heart up and her anxiety at bay until she parked under the club.

 

First, she decided to go into the club itself. Maybe Lucifer was there, and if not she’d certainly welcome a drink or two before going up. Everyone on the staff knew her and her habits and as far as the bartenders and security people were concerned she had a free pass (and, yes, keys to everywhere). Just in case he was near the door she went through the front entrance, and when the bouncer only smiled and nodded at her plain jeans and leather jacket outfit quite a few wannabe party-goers glared at her. Frankly, it still gave he a thrill even after all this time.

Since their first case together, she’d been free to go in at will; and the few people in his inner circle with that privilege never failed to make everyone else seethe with jealousy. If she were entirely honest with herself, she should also admit to never dressing up to go in just because she could, unless she really had to – even if her fundraiser outfit was still a fond memory of his, according to his brother; and she did believe Amenadiel.

However, Lucifer wasn’t at the entrance. She looked around as she walked down the stairs in the hopes of finding him, but there was no – ah, there he was; holding down a big guy with one hand while one of his security goons was preventing a woman from running away. She let her hand rest on her gun still in its holster, and came a little closer to properly assess the situation.

“Ah, Detective!” He’d seen her then. “Well, I wasn’t expecting the LAPD to be so quick to answer the call, but since you’re here…”

“What happened?”

“Ah, well; Johnny here’s harassing the guests and his partner-in-crime Zoe would pretend to befriend his victims and then rob them blind while their attention was elsewhere… Good thing our staff here always has an eye out for people like you, yes?” He shook Johnny a little.

“And you called the police?”

“I did. Didn’t expect them to send you.”

“Well, I didn’t come here for them, but…”

His face went through some gymnastics. “Ah, well. Well.”

“I’m sure I can take them into – oh, they’re here.” Rushing down the stairs, a couple officers came and started whipping handcuffs out and taking notes and generally doing what looked like a good job. “It seems they’ve got things well in hand. Can we talk, now?”

He made a grimace, but nodded. “I thought you might say something along those lines. Come on up, then.”

He led the way to the elevator and they rode up to his penthouse in a strange, heavy silence. His eyes kept staring at the doors whenever she stole a glance at him, and his stiff posture wasn’t very reassuring either.

“We haven’t talked since you got out of that clinic,” she finally said when they stepped out.

He, of course, made a beeline to the bar. “Well, I am of course thankful for your help but…”

“What do you remember?”

He poured two glasses and sipped his scotch rather than answer her, in the true avoidance fashion of the Lucifer she first knew. She settled on the stool next to him, and waited. “I did drugs, you arrived, I overdosed, I woke up in that lumpy bed?”

“Not why you took so much, and what you remember of hell?” He shrugged. “Lucifer. Please.”

“I… not much. You shouldn’t have taken that risk, and my brother should have known better than – ”

“I was fine.”

“You were lucky.” He topped up his tumbler. “And how is Ms Lopez?”

“She’s fine too. She says hi, and she’s having the time of her life playing with the feather you gave her, and I promised I’d try and get one from Amenadiel so she can draw charts or something.”

He smiled at nothing, his eyes lost where she couldn’t follow. “His don’t compare. He always was jealous.”

“Have you seen Linda since you were released?” He shook his head. “Look, I think I know what happened, but… why didn’t you say anything? Why did you just jump to the wrong conclusion and never thought to ask before – before doing what you did?”

Finally, he thumped his scotch down on the bar and turned to her. “Det – Chloe. Chloe, I remember, I do. I remember when you came for me, and when you explained, and when you let me come into you and inhabit you and share your body and…” He let out a long breath. “It was… it was overwhelming. I imagine it was to you too, for different reasons. I just don’t understand… why would you do all this? Take so many risks, go so far? Be so fearless?”

“I was scared.”

“Not enough. You were not scared enough, else you wouldn’t have gone down, you wouldn’t have shared yourself. You could have…” His voice broke, and she took his hand.

“I didn’t.”

“It’s too much. You shouldn’t be stuck with someone who will… I don’t, and you _are_ , and I’m…”

“I’m human, Lucifer. I’m not perfect either, I make mistakes too. I’m stubborn and I need you to help me unwind and make me see it’s okay to relax and have fun, too. I’m not a very good cook and I like shooting people a little too much and I hold grudges.”

“You deserve – ”

“I deserve choice, as you’ve told me before. Several times. And I choose you, and I love you. You’re worth it. Misunderstandings happen. I know you fear the worst, I know why you do, I know you’re trying not to. I know Trixie adores you and she’s a good judge of character, isn’t she?”

He chuckled. “She still thinks Maze is harmless.”

“Oh no. She thinks Maze is absolutely harmless to _her_ , but would definitely harm anyone threatening her. Or me, or you, or…”

“She’s your daughter’s murderous and cuddly bodyguard, it’s true.”

She felt her lips curve into a smile. “That’s kind of accurate, yes.” She tightened her hold on him. “Are we okay? Are you?”

His elbows left the glossy wood of the bar as he turned, looking at her at last. “I am sorry. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

She reached out to him with her free hand and he swept her up and sat her on the bar top, looking up at her like an exhausted pilgrim finally faced with divinity after months and months of dangerous travel.

“I don’t want to share you with your fears, Lucifer. It’s okay to have them, I just want you to share them with me instead, all right?” He nodded, eyes wide and unblinking. “Don’t shut me up, talk to me or Linda or anyone. We make a family, you understand? We don’t have to do it alone. You don’t have to do it alone.”

He slid between her thighs, his hands running up her legs to rest on the small of her back. “I was in you. I remember that, too. I remember being… you. Inside.”

“I remember too.” She smiled down at him. “I think we traumatized your brother.”

“He’s easily traumatized.” His eyes still in hers, he reached up and opened the first few buttons of her blouse. “I didn’t mean to die, you know.” Lips on her sternum. “I just… I just needed distance so I got some pills, and…” Her collarbone. “I felt, I felt…” He shook his head, kissed up the column of her neck, untied her ponytail and buried his fingers in her hair.

What had he felt? she wondered. Lost, and overwhelmed, and confused, and on edge; like he was in a cage and screaming and no one could hear him and he’d known, he’d  _known_ she wasn’t talking about that kind of break but his mind insisted, all the memories jumbling together – dad’s anger and mum’s manipulations that he could see, could see and couldn’t escape anyway, couldn’t help falling for;  (falling, falling and burning, a ball of fire and pain and screaming  and loud bangs  as he sped through the air )  his sister turning her back on him long ago and his brother taunting him  into stabbing him again and again  in that cell almost yesterday, bleeding from the blade  and still sneering and everything, everything had been a confusing mess… he’d just wanted to not think for a while; he’d just wanted to stop the wheels turning for a while and she’d been terrified and out of her mind and she felt her nails dig into her shoulders trying to bring him closer, closer to her; and – 

She leaned back from him. “It’s happening again,  isn’t it. ”

His palms slid back down her body to rest on the outside of her thighs. “Yes.”

“It’s not quite the same this time.”

He tugged her closer to him, flush against his body. “We have two bodies this time. We’re just… going back and forth.”

“It’s… strange.”

“Too strange?”

“I feel naked.”

He grinned against the skin of her shoulder. “I can assure you  that  you are not yet naked.”

“Not yet, huh. Isn’t it a little presumptuous?”

“Please…” He was whispering, his long exhale warming more her. “You know the worst of me and yet…”

She was slipping inside him again, his jumbled thoughts floating through her and into him again; love and fear and desire and exhaustion and awe and joy and incredulity; how he felt about her and how he felt about himself and how he felt about her not leaving, about her wanting him close. 

She knew he was in hers too, her love and worry and bitterness at her father and no, no, that wasn’t her –  _I’m sorry_ , and she shook her head and didn’t forgive him because there was nothing to forgive, but everything to learn and marvel at; memories (feeling the wind through  his feathers a n d holding Trixie for the first time and seeing the sun again after  what felt an eternity in hell and a day on the beach with a book and the first time seeing a piano and) mixing with reality (fingers gently untangling hair and warm, big palms around a waist and small, strong hands spread on a back and hearing the clink of a belt, the thump of shoes on the floor and the smell of aftershave and  the smell of  gunpowder) and they were a we, only a we. There were no shadows, no doubt and no pain,  no uncertainty and no misunderstanding in that moment.

 

Somehow (but not surprisingly), they’d ended up on his bed. She savored the air in her lungs, rushing in and out as her breathing slowed down. It was already starting to fade away from her awareness, growing fuzzy and sepia-colored instead of sharp-edged and bright. She lifted herself on an elbow to look down at him, the peaceful expression on his face, his closed eyes. The smile widening his lips when he somehow felt her gaze on him.

“That was… intense,” she said.

“Too intense?” He blinked up at her, the smile lessening.

She mulled over it for a while. “I don’t know. Is it going to be like that every time now?”

He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “Perhaps. We can probably learn how to have some control over it, with time.” And practice, he didn’t say. He looked a little worried again. She didn’t know what way the wheels were turning in his mind at the moment, but she knew him well enough by now to make an educated guess anyway.

“That’s good.” She kissed his forehead, and he wrinkled his nose. “What?”

“Do you really hate omelets?”

“I – what?” She stared down at him. That was what he chose to focus on? “I don’t really like eggs, but Trixie does.”

“Ah.” He looked a bit confused. “Why haven’t you ever told me?”

She shrugged a shoulder. “It doesn’t matter. She enjoys eating them, I enjoy watching you cook.”

“But I could make something else for you, something that would make you happy.”

“I’m happy, Lucifer.”

“But – ”

“I like it when you cook breakfast for us, and I like making those sandwiches for you.” He frowned. “I’m happy because we’re doing things together, for each other.”

“But it could be better. I could do better! Something you’d really – ” His voice trailed off when she put her finger over his lips.

“It’s not about the food.” He didn’t seem to understand, and she wasn’t sure if she should blame his parents or his inhuman nature; the aeons he spent with the worst of mankind or the time out of time before that. “It is because I love you, and I love you because of all those things. I love your breakfasts even if I don’t really love eggs.” Thank… thank the stars, perhaps, for Linda, she thought. There was so much he needed her for, still. “I love you even if, _because_ you are not perfect. Because you are working at it, because you want to make us happy. And you are. Really.”

“But… but I want everything to be perfect?” His voice rose up at the end, like that of a child trying and failing to grasp why the world was unfair, like a child wanting the world to make sense.

Chloe sighed and stretched back down on the bed, nestling her head under his chin. “Do you love me?” She heard him take a deep breath. He was probably about to launch into a long and offended rant against the idea of anyone not loving her, but she cut him off before he could get a good start. “I have stretch marks and a child, I have a job with long hours and I don’t wear skintight clothes; most of the time my hair is a mess and I really don’t care. In the mornings I sound like I ate gravel all night long and I can have a temper and take it out on the people around me. Even the people I love.”

“Never your daughter.” He was playing with her hair, she realized. He often did.

“I shouldn’t take my moods out on you.”

“I don’t mind.” His thigh slid slightly higher between hers as he moved a little. “I like it, really.”

“You just like it when I boss you around. Admit it.”

“Oh, I love it.” He rolled them over, and she looked up into his face; open and awed, still, that she hadn’t thrown him out of the bed yet. “It is charming. You’re charming. Even when you drive like a half-blind granny.”

“ _You_ drive like a maniac.”

“I do not. I drive to get places, Detective.” He bent to kiss the thin skin right behind her ear, made his way down her neck, up to her mouth, down again to her shoulder. “I like getting places, any place, as long as you’re there with me.” She hummed, feeling pleasantly warm already. She liked where things were going, and let her hand curve around the base of his skull as his lips went down, down, down her body; lingering here and there and making detours but still, still. She knew where he was going, and really – she approved, oh, she did; he was good at it and he knew it and she could feel his smile on her skin, his lips parting and his tongue peeking out from time to time and then, then. She closed her eyes and let him work his magic on her, her every muscle trembling and her breath caught in her throat and maybe, maybe feeling their souls brushing each other as their bodies merged – or was it the other way around? – wasn’t so bad after all. No, it wasn’t bad at all.

 

Lucifer grinned against her stomach. Her skin, and her smell, and the way her fingers tugged on his hair; her cut-off sounds and her thighs clamped around him and he loved it all. It was worth everything, everything that had ever happened before. All the pain, all the fears, all the heartbreak for just one moment by her side, for her smiling at him, just for him; languid and loose and mellow because _he_ made her so, because _he_ could bring her to that point.

“Get up here,” she said; and of course he did. How could he not? Early on, Maze had mocked him; she would say he was like a puppy following his mistress, tongue lolling and tail wagging at the merest scrap of attention. It was still true. It would always be.

As he went back up to her bright smile, her bright eyes, he became aware of his own desire, his own… fire. He burned. Or maybe he was drowning, because there wasn’t enough air. He was panting, he realized. Her smile grew a little impish and he didn’t really have time to wonder what she’d planned before her hand wrapped around him and squeezed just enough to make him whine in her pillow. “Chloe…” Was it a whisper? Was is a moan? He didn’t know, didn’t really care.

“Come on, that’s it, that’s good,” she kept repeating; and he felt his hips move on their own, he felt her lips on his temple, he felt her hand in his hair; and he fell, fell, fell down under her words and her gentle, caring, _forgiving_ soul enveloping his.

He swam up to the world around him to slightly cool air and fingers drawing meaningless patterns on his back. He turned his head a little to drop a kiss on the nearest skin there was and settled back on her shoulder with a contented sigh. He felt good. He felt – could he, dare he think it? – happy. He should probably move, but he really didn’t want to.

“You’re not that heavy,” she said. Oh. “We’re disgusting.” She didn’t sound disgusted, though. She sounded amused more than anything. She wiped a slightly gooey hand against his side with a little laugh.

“ _You’re_ disgusting.” He didn’t budge from where he was. “But I love you anyway.”

“I know.”

She – huh. He lifted his head to stare at her, unbelieving. “Are you quoting Han Solo at me?”

“Hmm. True, I’m more the badass princess than the goofy pilot.”

“Dashing.”

“Goofy.” Her smile was so wide it lit up his world, even when his eyes finally closed and he drifted off to sleep.

 

She stared at the ceiling she couldn’t really see in the dark for a long while after he’d fallen asleep. His slow, regular breaths were soothing and she matched hers with his, letting her mind slowly shut down for the night. He’d learn, she vowed. Little by little, she’d chip all his fears down just like he kept showing her how to have fun, how to find joy in life. He’d reminded her that duty to her job, her daughter, wasn’t everything; and she knew she was better at both because he made her be better to herself. He would be, too.

Soon, it would be morning; the light would wake her up before him and she’d leave the bed to putter about in the bathroom. She’d draw a bath, stare at the pillow creases on her face, maybe go drink some water and plug her phone in, text Maze and check on Trixie. After a while, he’d start stirring and sighing and maybe his wings would coalesce and stretch into the morning light. Then, he’d realize he was alone in the bed, and soon after he’d materialize in the bathroom and join her in the bathtub, leaving a tray on the shelf to the side. Coffees and mimosas and maybe cubed fruit that they’d feed each other, perhaps some cheese or some yogurt. Perhaps nothing, just him sliding against her, his eyes closing again and dozing a little more with his forehead on her nape, his arms loose around her.

Tomorrow.

Until there were no tomorrows left, and then she knew she was stubborn enough she’d wrestle a happy ending from his father’s hands anyway. All would be well.


End file.
